Alice is wondering...

From time to time, when meeting new people I am being repeatedly asked the same two questions. Question #1: ' Do you miss Poland ?' Question #2: ' So, do you like it here?' My natural reaction to both of the above stated questions is rolling my eyes, smiling politely and nodding: I never want to get into the details of probable answers because if I would, it wouldn't be a small talk anymore. I don't do small talk and if I do I am very awkward at it. I avoid it at all possible costs yet still, sometimes it finds me and bites me in the ass. Given the opportunity to speak (yes, I gave it to myself with the very first moment I created this highly popular blog) I have decided to explain a little about those question you love to ask the expats so much. Here we go! Do I miss Poland ? I had a very good reason to leave but now I am finding more and more reasons not to ever go back. Sure, I wish I could see my brother and my friend...

Each year around Christmas and Easter I get a little nostalgic.  Am I religious? Hell no. Do I miss my parents? Nope. Do I miss Poland? It's almost impossible to answer 'no'. But the feelings are very mixed. I guess that when it comes to holidays it's only natural for me to feel a little torn inside. For 21 years of my life I have been spending each and every smaller or bigger holiday together with my family and friends. Poland, as a so- called Catholic country, does a great job celebrating whatever there is to be celebrated that involves God, Jesus, Holy Mary or any other saint. We fast, we wait, we pray, we cook, we eat, we drink, we come together, we fight, we eat, we drink.. etc. At some point though, you start to wonder whether all those rituals come straight from your heart or is it a trandition which somehow turned into an annual habit. 'Do I celebrate Easter because I am deeply moved by the crucifiction and death of J.C. or do I celebrate it for the party t...

Few years ago my parents sold our summer house. My mother is no longer in any condition for gardening and my father does not even know what gardening means. And gardening was the biggest purpose to this property's existence. Sure, there was also a tiny triangle shaped house with no running water, heating or shower but there was plenty of land where my mother used to care for flowers, fruit and vegetables.  When I was a kid we used to go there pretty often, especially during Summer holidays. I didn't really have any cousins worth visiting or any other relatives who could take me in for a week or two just to provide the opportunity to be away from home. I also never went to any Summer camp. My mother would announce she wants to go to the Summer house around mid- week so that my father could get crazy ideas, just as doing nothing during the weekend, out of his head. It would also motivate my brother to make more exciting plans in advance which were disregarded by Mother a...

I have been busy with translating my documents from Polish to English for the past few days. I am still not entirely sure which one of them does the University of Amsterdam need but anyway, it is going to be one of the two so just in case I am translating them both. The water for the tea has boiled. I am a little lazy to walk over to the kitchen to pour it into a cup but there is no other way to make the tea so I'm making my way over to the kitchen counter. As I am making this effort a sigh escapes my lungs. I didn't really let it out deliberately, it just happened. But I am not paying attention to it. From the whole selection of fine tea's that I have managed to gather I choose a herbal tea. My metabolism sucks so I am being a good girl and just like my doctor advised me I am drinking one herbal tea a day to boost my body's abilities to digest properly. As I walk back to the couch Bo, the cat, makes its way to the bedroom for some alone time, I assume. Aft...

There are days when the Sun is not particularly shining out of my butt. You know, those days when from the very beginning, right after you leave your bed, you have this feeling that something ain't right and instead of performing regular tasks you would rather punch someone in the face and go cry quietly under the shower. Aside from those days I wouldn't say I am very moody. Yes, I am being quiet for most of the time and it is a tad bit irritating to be hearing 'Alicja, you're awfully quiet today, is everything alright?' but I know that, first of all, people might be asking me that question out of sheer concern and secondly- I have been dealing with myself for over 25 years now and yes, truth is that I am a quiet person. So it's all under control, I am just being myself. But I am losing my point here! I went to the cinema today to see 'The Lady in the Van' and it gave me a lot to think about. About what? Kindness. Like I have mentioned already, I don...

My childhood memories usually have this haze or rather a 'filter' over them which makes it all look as if edited on Instagram or taken by an analogue or a Polaroid camera. They are a bit faded and usually have this orange tint. Those memories are mostly of playful summers when I used to get tanned so much that kids would mock me by calling me a 'gypsy'. I would spend the whole day outside riding my bike, playing with other kids, running around the block, pretending we were characters from 'Sailor Moon', trying to avoid The Evil Twins (actual twins, brother and sister who basically 'ruled' our playground due to the fact that.. I actually have no idea what gave them the right to be in power since they were neither smart or cute).  It was a small space, the playground, for all of us and very soon I found myself not wanting to go out to play with others that much anymore. The playground was dividing two blocks standing across from one another. Everybody...

It was most recently that I've been talking with my boyfriend and I mentioned something about my short temper. He looked at me a bit surprised, apparently I didn't seem short- tempered to him. What must be happening is.. that I am actually getting more patient. I don't know if it's thanks to the life experience (gaining more and more of it, everyday!) or simply the time passing by and me getting older but the truth is that recently I've noticed that only few situations are able to throw me off balance. As we were already changing the subject I held onto that thought for a while longer in my head as it became clear to me when exactly do I lose it..                                           *             *            * 1: Unexpected bills while I'm already in debt. So remeber how I broke my collarbone last year i...