Love- hate relationship, pt. I

From time to time, when meeting new people I am being repeatedly asked the same two questions.

Question #1: 'Do you miss Poland?'

Question #2: 'So, do you like it here?'

My natural reaction to both of the above stated questions is rolling my eyes, smiling politely and nodding:

I never want to get into the details of probable answers because if I would, it wouldn't be a small talk anymore. I don't do small talk and if I do I am very awkward at it. I avoid it at all possible costs yet still, sometimes it finds me and bites me in the ass.

Given the opportunity to speak (yes, I gave it to myself with the very first moment I created this highly popular blog) I have decided to explain a little about those question you love to ask the expats so much.

Here we go!

Do I miss Poland ?

I had a very good reason to leave but now I am finding more and more reasons not to ever go back. Sure, I wish I could see my brother and my friends as easily as I could while living in Poland. Sure, the food is better, too. You call it 'BIO' and pay 4 euros for a tiny loaf of artisan bread but I call it 'normal' and pay maximum 0,50 cents at a local grocery store. Not to mention.. ah screw it, I'm going to mention it. The meat. The sausages. You call Unox worst a sausage? Quit that crazy talk right now and take a look at the picture below. And last but not least, it's a beautiful land with 4 seasons. Not one season and a bit of sunny days during the Summer. No. We have mountains, fields, forests, sea, lakes and we've been a country since 966. Take that!

The land of plenty

But I have made a list of few reasons why I am so sure I'm never going back to Poland.

Let me tell you all about it.

6 reasons why I am never going back.

#1. Being a so- called atheist I simply can't live in a country ruled by the Catholic church. You would think that we have a president, parliament, democratic elections etc. Why, yes we do! But that doesn't matter. When it comes to the day after pill or getting an abortion because you (or your sister/daughter/mother/wife) have been brutally raped and scarred for the rest of your life, Polish politicians turn to the Bible and support the idea that under any circumstances it is NOT OK to choose yourself over an unwanted pregnancy.

#2. You can still smell communism in the air. As long as last generations that remember communism are alive, no child of the revolution is safe in Poland. You will notice it when buying bread in the local grocery store. You will encounter a 60 year old cashier who will call you a thief only because you want to pay for the bread with a card and not in cash (cash means you really have the money while paying with a card means you have an imaginary credit or maybe even debt!).

#3. Narrow- minded mentality. We all look at our neighbors when they get a new shiny car. We look at them, at the car, think of where our money went but in the end we probably stop at the thought of how nice that car actually looks like (not applicable if it's a Prius). But in Poland we wish them bad luck if they dare to get a new car. We envy, we curse, we are simply jealous. No one stops to raise the question:  'Hey, maybe they worked hard for it?'. No no. They stole it. Or they stole the money. Or they are Jews. Whatever it is, fuck them because they have something we don't and probably can't have!

#4. Racism. Oh yes yes, don't shake your heads, stop that craziness. We all witnessed how it went with only introducing the idea of helping the immigrants. Sure, now everyone went mad about it. But still, when it was an idea only, Polish people acted so shamefully that I felt like apologizing for my nation while walking the streets. Some of my Facebook friends were sending me invitations to pages called 'Poland for the Polish nation!' etc... Unacceptable and disgusting. As if we forgot how many wars have we gone through in the past. Like our grandfathers didn't try to escape Poland when it was being attacked from both sides with no safe place to go. On one hand we forget about the past and don't learn from it, on the other hand we love to dig in the past instead of taking care of the future. 'What shall we do today? Think about solutions for the young people to make a better living or go back to that case when the Russians shot our plane with the president on it down?' I'm not even sure they did, but anyway, I am sure that the choice here is simple. Let's dig in the past, yay!

#5. Pressure. In each and every aspect of your life you are being pressured. I would say it's a mixture of reason number 3 and a lack of opportunities but it truly is sad to watch. While it is completely normal to be asking kids: 'Who do you want to be when you grow up?' it is simply depressing to follow this question up by adding: 'You better decide now and you better choose good. Anyway, stick to it no matter what'. That way so many of my friends chose the 'wrong' study program, the 'wrong' life partner, got engaged/married/pregnant way too soon. And they live under this pressure of sticking to their decisions. God forbid you go from studying law to arts. God forbid you get a divorce (well, if you do, the neighbors will never forget and, also, you'll burn in hell because it's a sin). God forbid you don't get married in your twenties or decide on not having children at all. In Polish reality it makes you an outcast. You're the weird one. You're the one who's not going to get invited to your high school reunion. I am so far removed yet still, when one of our high school classmates was going through a divorce, it was such a popular subject that even I was well aware of when did she apply for the divorce, why and how will she manage on her own. All of that without even asking to know these things!

#6. People are grumpy. Why the long faces? Oh, the Polish nation has a list of answers to this question. Each of them is very touching and convincing but why won't we just get over the past and create the present and future so that we can feel good about it? No no. Let me give you the best example I know of: my father. It can be a hot, sunny day somewhere in June. It might even be his day off. Might be that he just got his salary or that he received great news from the doctor regarding his sight. Could be that his son gives him a call to say he and his daughter are coming over for dinner. Could be that at the same time his daughter fell happily in love with a good man. Who knows, maybe the neighbor smiles at him and wishes him a great day. But then.. he gets a notification from DHL that the delivery of a phone case that he ordered two days ago will be delayed by one day..

'Hello darkness, my old friend..'. 

My dad will curse the Universe for NEVER giving him what he wants. He won't be able to enjoy the weather, the visit of his son and granddaughter, the happy news he received from the doctor or his daughter. He will look at his neighbor with envy and raise a question: 'And what is it so great to be happy about, dumbass?!'.

Long story short, Polish people aren't happy unless they actually sat down for a moment to realize how lucky they are just because of the fact that they have two functioning hands and legs and someone to love around them.

It's easier to have a reason to be grumpy than to be happy.

*       *      *

I called this post 'part I', which means, naturally, there will be a part II. I can already tell you a secret: the continuation will cover the second question that I am being asked by the Dutch citizens so often, which is to remind you 'Do I like it here?'.

Oh boy isn't this going to be fun as it will tell about my relationship with The Kingdom of The White Leggings, uhm The Netherlands, I mean, and its wonderful nation.

See you next week!