Temper, temper!
What must be happening is.. that I am actually getting more patient. I don't know if it's thanks to the life experience (gaining more and more of it, everyday!) or simply the time passing by and me getting older but the truth is that recently I've noticed that only few situations are able to throw me off balance. As we were already changing the subject I held onto that thought for a while longer in my head as it became clear to me when exactly do I lose it..
* * *
1: Unexpected bills while I'm already in debt.
So remeber how I broke my collarbone last year in October? Yeah, that thing. So I made this stupid mistake and instead of hopping on my bike to get to the hospital I dared to call the ambulance. What was I thinking? That if you break something and your life is at risk you should be kinda entitled to a free ambulance ride? Oh no no no, silly Alicja! It works that way in countries like Poland with social health care. Here, 5 months after the accident, you get a bill for 700eu. Why, thank you! I had to manage my life for over a month by myself with a broken bone and now you're sending me this lovely bill to remind me that, hey, we all know how you broke that bone so stop whining and pay the price!
Awesome, jsut wonderful.
Not to mention that the City of Amsterdam also granted me with a bill for trash disposal, the amount of 235eu.
Why, thank you again! So you're telling me that you picking up 1 trash bag a week from in front of my door costs me 235eu a year? What a time to be alive! Confetti all over the place, time to celebrate!
2: Technical issues (aka 'it should be working but it is not').
You get up at 6AM to be at work at 7:30AM. You probably need about 3 more coffees to be able to speak to all those cheerful Platinum Members without telling them to shove that membership up their asses. But you are in a good mood because there is a lovely day ahead of you, you have nice plans after work, the sun is already breaking through the clouds and your colleagues seem to be in the mood for cracking some jokes. The first guest approaches you and you are as lovely as you can be. Best behavior EVER. You proceed the payment, ask whether the guest wishes to have an envelope for his bill, you print the bill, wait.. I said you PRINT the bill.. PRINT IT GODDAMIT! While you're struggling with whatever issue the printer might be having you hear the guest tapping his fingers on the desk and straightaway it triggers very bad thoughts in your head. So you tell the guest a very funny joke, something like: 'Oh! Sir, sorry to keep you waiting, the printer didn't have its coffee yet today HA HA HA..' but inside you're screaming 'Motherfu****! Print this stupid bill, TODAY'. But the printer is acting like everything is fine and you are the crazy one. So you call the technical department to help you out, but the phone.. The phone ain't working. All you can understand from the tehcincian is that he can't hear you. Oh, now, that is just splendid!
You whisper a few more curse words in the direction of the printer, trying to stop yourself from sweating or fainting.
Rage of the machines continues for the next 30 minutes and then miraculously everything goes back to normal. That drains emotions out of me and I need to run out for a cigarette immidiately. Oh, wait, but I just quit... Fu*k!
3: People who think they are better due to their wealth or social status/assholes*
Sorry to bring those Platinum Members up again, but they are the most entertaining group of people I have ever encountered and honestly speaking they are the only 'wealthy' people I get to deal with, hence the examples.
'I want to check in early', sure, you are our very important guest, so we will make the housekeeping girl sweat her ass off so you can enter the room 6 hours earlier than regular guests. 'But I want an upgrade', you already got one Sir and it was free, too!. 'But I want a bath tub in my room', unfortunately rooms with tubs are occupied already, Sir. 'But I want a higher floor', I'd love to grant that wish, but can't do, we're fully booked. 'But I am a Platinum Member', oh, wait, hold your horses! Let me gather our team to kick out all of the guest from the highest floor, we're having a Platinum situation here! Code red! No one moves until we get this man a room he truly desires!
Would you also like to have a big, hot cup of 'Go fuck yourself' waiting in your room?
I am being nice to every single guest. Never judge a book by its cover. But if you come to the reception desk and instead of engaging a greeting you throw your Platinum card on the desk as if it would be a strip club and I was the stripper who gets to collect whatever you throw in her direction, uhm, nooo, that doesn't work that way. Even if you turn your back on me, I will be patiently repeating 'Good afternoon, Sir, good to have you here! Good afternoon..! GOOD AFTERNOOOOON' as long as I will have to in order to get your attention. Look. It's not Dubai or Monte Carlo. It's freaking Amsterdam and your room wasn't even as expensive as it could be. So let's get this straight: I am a nice person, I truly am. But you push me too far and I will kill you with my kindness (usually works)
*I guess that I could extend this point much further, admitting that what makes me lose it is people who are being jerks (I mean those assholes that come in the purest form) but it would take up the whole post (so I'll save this subject for some other time!).
Remember Talking Heads and their song 'Psycho Killer'? The line 'I hate people when they're not polite' sums it up pretty well.
4: Activities that require a lot of precision and working slowly/effort going to waste instantly.
Have you ever tried knitting? Have you ever tried coloring? Have you ever tried cooking something that requires about 30 ingredients, 30 minutes of prepping and an hour of cooking?
I just can't. Nope. Naa- hah. No, thank you. I did try kintting, to give you an example. And it's been a nice activity. For about 20 minutes. Then I fucked something up on the way, the whole thing got all messed and tangled up and when my frustration reached its top my sister (who patiently taught me how to knit) said 'Don't worry, you can always start from the beginning'. Whoa, like, from where we started?
My palms got sweaty, my mind all dizzy and my mouth dried out. Naturally what I needed was a drink and not a 'fresh start'. (my sister, though, is a master of knitting!).
Why then, I began to think as we were already talking about something else, did my boyfriend seem surprised when I told him about my short temper? How come?
Oh yeah, I know now. To begin with, I pay my own bills so he is not involved in the process of me receiving bills and dealing with them (although with that one I did involve him a lot, because I totally lost it when I saw how much a 5 minute ambulance ride can cost you). There are also no printers around us when we meet and our phones work like a charm. Also, he is the kind of person who does not posses any platinum cards and I'm sure that even if he was, he would not act like an asshole.
I also never have to perform any tasks which would need me to stay focused and careful around him.
I mean.. you know what I mean!
There you go! He never had to deal with me, face to face, when my patience was running low.
What if I lose it in front of him over something stupid? I am afraid that it might lead to exposing him to my 'dark side', where I give my couch a kick, growl a polish loud and proud 'kurwa!' and put on a bitch face for at least a half an hour. I hope not. And if I do, oh please forgive me, that's not me, that's my dad screaming 'The motherfu**ing car is totally fu**ed up, it won't even drive a fu**ing mile and you, YOU want to go to the beach?!' (and I'm 7, waiting all ready, holding a beach ball in my hands, wearing my one piece swimming suit and trying to stop myself from bursting into a dramatical, little girl's cry).
And right when I'm trying to remember the color of that swimming suit I find myself knocking over a cup of freshly made coffe on my freshly mopped floor. Instead of shouting and going on about how unfair my life is, I just run for some paper towels, collect the coffee with them and give the sticky spot on the floor a very brief mop. After that I return to the position we were embraced in before and immidiately forget about the whole thing.
I guess that the key to balance is allowing yourself to pinch a guy with 15 membership cards in his wallet but stopping yourself from screaming at little girls for reasons they can't comprehend.
Good day. I said, good day!
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