Polish psycho.
On my way home I decided that in the evening I will sit down to read and if there will be enough time I could write as well. When I got home I realized that first I need to clean up the place a bit, cook a dinner, throw the dirty laundry in the washing machine and pay one outstanding bill. When I finally got to paying the bill I looked at three books lying next to each other on my coffee table. I was trying to decide which one to read while I remembered I also have to get familiar with a piece of text for my participation in a 'taster day' at the university (I will join one class to get an idea of what is it going to be like to be a student). As soon as I started up my laptop to search for the excerpt in my e-mail I got reminded that tomorrow is Tuesday and it's time to get a new blog post ready.
I feel like I am not able to catch up with everything. Not to mention the war that I have in my mind about several issues.
'Should I send my father a card as it is his birthday on Wednesday?'. It is too late for that now but the mental struggle continues and now the question is: 'Should I send him an e-mail with birthday wishes?'. My heart tells me that I should but my brain gives me a slap me and rolls its eyes. I shouldn't. But he is my father. I should. But he was the one to come up with this 'let's do a break' idea. To be a good person or to stay true to my gut feeling, those are questions that raise right up next.
In the end I decide to have some tea and relax with Bo (the cat) on the couch. I sit down and receive a message from a friend who is curious am I up for a drink tonight. Dear friend, I love you, but I am already in my sweatpants and ready to go to bed.
But I can't go to bed because it's too soon after finishing dinner. It probably still didn't find its place inside of my stomach. However, I need to admit that I am still a bit hungry. I knew I should've had bought shrimp chips to go with those noodles. Noodles weren't enough. On the other hand, there were quite a lot of calories and fat in that dinner already, so maybe it's better I had nothing more to go with it. Then I realize I didn't count how many calories I've had today. Breakfast.. around four hundred, sandwich on our way home around four hundred.. How many calories were there in ice cream?
All of a sudden I remember I need to run tomorrow. I am concerned about my right knee. It always aches after few longer runs. The heel of my left foot seems to be giving me a hard time, too. I don't want to end up with an injury because I am beginning to see effects of my runs and exercises. I want more of that.
Then again, I am no professional athlete/runner. I should put more focus on reading and writing instead of getting a 'bikini body'. But if I am going to read, which book should I choose..?
Tuesday, 12th of April 2016
I woke up, ate my regular breakfast, went for a run which went surprisingly well, came back home, cleaned the place and myself up and suddenly all of my thoughts from yesterday were gone, issues seemed to be less important and freaking out felt silly.
Am I bipolar or what? There is absolutely no consistency to my moods, some days I am a ray of sunshine and the other days I am a bitch from hell who sees the world in a grey scale. I do understand that our moods do shift very often as a natural reaction to ongoing events. I wouldn't be bothered if one day I was happy and energetic at work and the other day things would irritate me, that happens to everyone. But I am worried about being inconsistent about important things, feelings mostly. I sit on the couch in the evening and the worst thoughts run through my head. I wake up the next morning and I feel like the world is my oyster and I love everything and everyone!
Maybe I was just tired. Maybe there is something wrong with me.
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