Love- hate relationship, pt. II: 'From Edam to the Dam'
I already ate my piece of apple pie (apple crumble pie, of course) accompanied by a coffee straight from the one and only Senseo coffee machine, so now I am politely waiting to be asked whether I wish to have a beer or some wine. Instead of being offered a life- saving beverage the mother of the host walks up to me in her 3/4 white legging and a Miss Etam dress with a clear intention to engage small talk. First she compliments me with my Dutch (because I had to say 'Gefeliciteerd' about 15 times before I was done with all the birthday girl's family members) and then after looking at me as if I needed consolation and some reassurance, too, she adds: 'So, do you like it here?'
First of all: why yes, I do! Weed is legal and you can freely speak about using XTC.
Nah, just joking.
Although it's true.
Then second of all: I am not sure if you (addressing this at the Dutch nation) realize, that each time I hear this question I notice the emphasis you put on the word 'here'. Nearly as if you would be showing me around the country in some imaginary way and for the first time, too. And you always ask it with a smile, which indicates you already know I love it here and not even thinking of going back.
To be completely honest there was a time when I did consider going back home. It was after a breakup I went through last year in June. I was sure my life here was over and I had nothing worth staying for. Thank God I got my shit together (which actually translates into: fell for all sorts of addictions, met the 'wrong' people, made tons of mistakes and broke my collarbone) and decided to give it all another shot.
Sure, there are things in this country that annoy me to the bone.
Weather is the most disturbing one. I know, I know. That's what you get for choosing an economically stable lowland for your home. I am also aware that nature is not something we can control, so I am still trying to get used to biking through storms and arriving wet at work in the least enjoyable ways.
I began this post with a scene from a Dutch birthday party so let me get back to that now. I know that every culture has its own traditions and ways of celebrating. But while you call your neighbor a 'kutwijf', you still shake hands with each and every family member at her birthday party, repeating this damn 'Gefeliciteerd' like a broken record. Isn't it enough to wish a 'Happy birthday' to whoever actually is celebrating birthday that day? I remember paying a visit to The Netherlands quite some time ago. It was around my nephew's birthday and I made it to the party. And there I was, trying to quietly down a beer in the corner of the room while the crowd made its way through the hall and seemed to be coming right at me. Every single person that came inside marched up to me to congratulate me on my nephew's birthday.
Hey! It's his birthday, I can't take any credit for it. leave me and my Baco alone (Bacardi Cola, not the best rum, not the best soda, yet still another party classic).
Since it was impossible to make myself disappear magically, I had to join the party and nod the whole evening as if I had a clue what's the subject of the conversation. Blocks of cheese and 'leverworst' (the word 'worst' is very confusing as this product is as far from a sausage as it could only be, see picture below) had to share space on the table together with 'bitterballen' and crisps). Back then I didn't speak a word of Dutch so I was just minding my own business, wondering how is the party going to evolve. Well, it didn't. Everyone got a piece of cake, coffee/tea and a soda or an alcoholic beverage of choice. There was some small talk, a lot of 'Jaa, eee?!' and 'He, he!' or maybe even 'Nee hoor!' but right after that part was done most of the guests started excusing themselves, saying that they need to go and fry 'patat' for their kids for dinner.
Now that I have a basic understanding of the beautiful Dutch language, I am more often being exposed to social chitchat. Sometimes during a party, a guy named Dirk, Jeroen or Jan will try to engage in conversation with me. Trust me that it's true when I say that he won't be looking me in the eye while I'm speaking. He will be following each and every move of my.. lips! He will be amazed that my forehead seems to have 'Eastern European Block' imprinted on it but my mouth is able to pronounce Dutch words. After I'm done talking he will falsely assume I'm Russian and then make a joke about it. Not even an awkward one. Jeroen won't be feeling awkward at all! He is simply being 'gezellig', no hard feelings. Nog een biertje?
Ja, doe maar.
It would still be acceptable if Jeroen had basic knowledge about Poland. Or about geography, for that matter.
I have met so many people while living in The Netherlands who had no idea where to locate Poland on the map of Europe (even after throwing a hint that we are right next to Germany).
Thriteen years ago my sister has been asked if you can go to Poland by car because it is well known we're not familiar with highways there, which probably means we still ride horses. Wild horses.
When deciding to go on holiday, the Dutch make sure to take their own bread, peanut butter and cheese because God knows if people outside of the Orange Kingdom ever heard of those goods.
There are plenty of funny/annoying things about The Netherlands and its citizens. And please, don't get offended by my remarks and observations. In part one of this post (http://aliceiswondering.blogspot.nl/2016/03/love-hate-relationship-pt-i.html)I have pointed out all of the most ridiculous things about my own country which, nevertheless, I love very much!
Then second of all: I am not sure if you (addressing this at the Dutch nation) realize, that each time I hear this question I notice the emphasis you put on the word 'here'. Nearly as if you would be showing me around the country in some imaginary way and for the first time, too. And you always ask it with a smile, which indicates you already know I love it here and not even thinking of going back.
To be completely honest there was a time when I did consider going back home. It was after a breakup I went through last year in June. I was sure my life here was over and I had nothing worth staying for. Thank God I got my shit together (which actually translates into: fell for all sorts of addictions, met the 'wrong' people, made tons of mistakes and broke my collarbone) and decided to give it all another shot.
Sure, there are things in this country that annoy me to the bone.
Weather is the most disturbing one. I know, I know. That's what you get for choosing an economically stable lowland for your home. I am also aware that nature is not something we can control, so I am still trying to get used to biking through storms and arriving wet at work in the least enjoyable ways.
I began this post with a scene from a Dutch birthday party so let me get back to that now. I know that every culture has its own traditions and ways of celebrating. But while you call your neighbor a 'kutwijf', you still shake hands with each and every family member at her birthday party, repeating this damn 'Gefeliciteerd' like a broken record. Isn't it enough to wish a 'Happy birthday' to whoever actually is celebrating birthday that day? I remember paying a visit to The Netherlands quite some time ago. It was around my nephew's birthday and I made it to the party. And there I was, trying to quietly down a beer in the corner of the room while the crowd made its way through the hall and seemed to be coming right at me. Every single person that came inside marched up to me to congratulate me on my nephew's birthday.
Hey! It's his birthday, I can't take any credit for it. leave me and my Baco alone (Bacardi Cola, not the best rum, not the best soda, yet still another party classic).
Since it was impossible to make myself disappear magically, I had to join the party and nod the whole evening as if I had a clue what's the subject of the conversation. Blocks of cheese and 'leverworst' (the word 'worst' is very confusing as this product is as far from a sausage as it could only be, see picture below) had to share space on the table together with 'bitterballen' and crisps). Back then I didn't speak a word of Dutch so I was just minding my own business, wondering how is the party going to evolve. Well, it didn't. Everyone got a piece of cake, coffee/tea and a soda or an alcoholic beverage of choice. There was some small talk, a lot of 'Jaa, eee?!' and 'He, he!' or maybe even 'Nee hoor!' but right after that part was done most of the guests started excusing themselves, saying that they need to go and fry 'patat' for their kids for dinner.
 |
| 'Dutch tapas' |
Now that I have a basic understanding of the beautiful Dutch language, I am more often being exposed to social chitchat. Sometimes during a party, a guy named Dirk, Jeroen or Jan will try to engage in conversation with me. Trust me that it's true when I say that he won't be looking me in the eye while I'm speaking. He will be following each and every move of my.. lips! He will be amazed that my forehead seems to have 'Eastern European Block' imprinted on it but my mouth is able to pronounce Dutch words. After I'm done talking he will falsely assume I'm Russian and then make a joke about it. Not even an awkward one. Jeroen won't be feeling awkward at all! He is simply being 'gezellig', no hard feelings. Nog een biertje?
Ja, doe maar.
It would still be acceptable if Jeroen had basic knowledge about Poland. Or about geography, for that matter.
I have met so many people while living in The Netherlands who had no idea where to locate Poland on the map of Europe (even after throwing a hint that we are right next to Germany).
Thriteen years ago my sister has been asked if you can go to Poland by car because it is well known we're not familiar with highways there, which probably means we still ride horses. Wild horses.
When deciding to go on holiday, the Dutch make sure to take their own bread, peanut butter and cheese because God knows if people outside of the Orange Kingdom ever heard of those goods.
There are plenty of funny/annoying things about The Netherlands and its citizens. And please, don't get offended by my remarks and observations. In part one of this post (http://aliceiswondering.blogspot.nl/2016/03/love-hate-relationship-pt-i.html)I have pointed out all of the most ridiculous things about my own country which, nevertheless, I love very much!
Speaking seriously now: I have stability here which I couldn't even dream of when I was in Poland. Being 25 I have my own apartment in the city centre, a nice part time job which gives me enough income for bills and for something extra from time to time. I am also able to go and study without involving my parents into financial matters. No one cares if I don't hurry into getting married or pregnant.
I have a life. And a one liter jar of apple mousse on the kitchen counter.
And that, my friends, is pure gold!*
*It is highly advisable to mix your potatoes with it, because the potatoes here.. nah, just kidding!
See you next week!
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