..and the elevator is just around the corner.

Reception, midday, a couple in their 50's enters the hotel.
The receptionist notices them and 5 of their huge bags. She knows, she already knows how is this going to go. She puts on a very welcoming smile and greets the couple with a simple 'Good afternoon'. By the look on the guests faces she can tell- no speaking English.
First thing that comes out of the man's mouth is 'Speaking Spanish?' which sounds more like 'speaky Spani?' and all his hope and good mood fades a little bit as the receptonist shakes her head and says 'No'. Well, she could add this word which exclaims she's kinda sorry for that, which would be 'Unfortunately no, Sir' but honestly she is not really sorry for not speaking Spanish/French/Italian or Russian for that matter. It always seems to disappoint travellers who go around the world with that assumption that someone there has to, absolutely has to speak their language. And one thing the receptionist has been taught during many of the corporate trainings was never to assume because 'it makes an ASS of U and ME' (get it?). Corporate trainings, years of Hotel School, 4 years of experience and in the end the question of 'speaky Spani?' seems to be quite the highlight of the day.
Nevertheless it goes ok. Passports states the name of the guest which makes it easier to find the reservation because when she asks for the name only, she gets: 'Jose Antonio Almeida di Perez' and then he is ready to give his wife's name as well and believe me- it's not something you want to go into because her name is probably 3 times longer than you could imagine in your wildest fantasies.
So our receptionist here finds that 'Perez' name in the system and proceeds to check in. What do we have there.. Registration form which is already quite a pickle because when the guest is asked to fill out the form he looks quite confused and is not sure whether to fill it out with his home address or the address of the hotel.
Guest: 'What address?'
Receptionist: 'Your personal address, Sir'
G: 'My address in Spain?'

The receptionist goes through all stages of grief, where denial hits her the hardest.
She can't.. So in the end she just nods and he begings to scribble.

So while that is done we are moving onto the 2 parts of the impossible.

Part I.
The authorization/deposit.

So just as for security the hotel really needs you to put down a valid credit card or a deposit of 'X'euros to make sure you will not try anything funny during your stay, that you are reliable and in case anything would be charged to your room- you are able to pay up.
Apparently 'carta di credito' is not such a common idea among all travellers. Well. First the receptionist needs to explain the idea of 'deposito' and that please, do not worry, you will get all that money back but the hotel really needs to be sure you're not gonna bail on us, walking out of the hotel without paying for that city tax. 'Que? City tax...? No taxi, no!'
There she goes. For that one google translate might help because the idea of 5% of the price of the room being charged upon check out seems a bit shady to the guest. Once it's done and she hears that sigh of understanding 'aaaah! the tax!' the guests begins to search for his credit card which in fact is just a bank card and he is forced to leave a deposit in cash. He makes sure he will get a receipt for that so when the time comes, he can wave it in receptionist's face when he's checking out and wants his money back.
They know. They really do know they owe you cash.

It looks like formalities are already done, now, let's move to the second part of the impossible.

Part II.
The room.

They might be in their 50's but they are Spanish, caliente, emotional and very fierce. It is a romantic getaway and they want 'the best room, oke?'. Like you know, with bath tub, balcony, view on the canals and peferably smoking.
Let's check with our receptionist. It will be 4x 'no'. Bath tub only in the higher category rooms, balcony- nowehere to be found, view on the.. don't even... just not possible (shouldn't all hotels in Amsterdam have that damn canal view?) and as for smoking room- not even that there aren't any, the whole hotel is not smoking, as well as the whole city.
That puts a small frown on the guest's face but the receptionist made that trick- the room is on the highest floor! It does make a difference. To the guest.
After she sends that lovely couple up to the room she already expects phone calls.
Drring ding diiiing. Hmm, 90% of the time it will be about air conditioning. Which.. isn't really there.
Now, this part depends on the determination of the guests. They will call with a bit of an attitude and list some things they don't like, but they list them in Spanish so all they get back is 'I'm so sorry, Sir but I do not speak Spanish'. No entiendo, sorry. So some guests will just laugh about it and give up. Some though will come personally to the reception forcing their language on the receptionist demanding things she is not able to give free of charge.
But you know what's great? She has back up. Spanish speaking back up!
While her colleague/duty manager takes over in fluent Spanish, she moves onto the second computer to check in a Platinum Member. And that my dear readers is a story for a whole other post.

End of part I.

I think that there are so many stories from my work that need to be told. I have worked for 3 different hotels by now and I am beginning to recognize some patterns. Some of them are simply stereotypes, some of them are true, some of it is a little bit 'pumped up' just as in a comedy. One thing is what is really happening in the moment and the other thing is what is happening in my head while I'm in the middle of a procedure. Why not laugh about it? There are things I won't go into because you know, every contract you sign has that privacy policy and regulations but without telling secrets it is still possible to tell some universal inside jokes. The hotels differ but some things stay exactly the same. And I do have a lot of fun in my head, colouring every day scenes up, narrating stories, throwing in extra comments on a side and writing endings to some scenarios.
My imagination is running wild. I have so many stories and I am trying to adapt them in a friendly way, so that I can actually share some of those things. No real names, no real hotels, nothing too close to what has really happened. But I hope it's going to be fun.
Also, I am not going to write about that only, I will still bother you with personal issues, and yes, there will be dramacism, there will be emotions! Prepare for a rollercoaster ride of thoughts you are not interested in but which are still going to be put in your face.
Intovert/extrovert? Still can't decide.


Muchos gracias for reading, ole!