Sweat it out.

Nomnomnom!

It's been a while since I wrote anything. What makes me laugh a bit is the fact, that each time I make a statement like ''From now on I will write more often'' it ends up as words only.

The truth is- I was busy. I was busy with getting my life on the right track again. I wandered off recently and I felt like I've been doing a lot, but none of it right.
I didn't control my eating, sleeping, I stopped with working out completely and I put my writing in doubt. I really wasn't happy about all of that. So here I am, admitting that I just had small issues to solve. I can say that most of them are solved or at least on a good way to be solved.
I am eating better than ever. I am trying to involve more fruit, vegetables and products that I wasn't convinced about into my daily diet. I am working out at least 3 days a week. I will be totally honest. When I first started to work out more than a year ago, I was damn chubby. I probably was about 80kg back then and believe me- it wasn't working for me. I was eating like a pig and making a trash bin out of my stomach. I wasn't happy. How could I be, eating like that, looking like this and feeling ugly most of the time.
After a small breakdown I realized that no one is responsible for how I feel- except for myself.
I got on a strict 1,500kcal diet, my boyfriend went with me to the gym so that I would feel more confident about signing in, we started to go together to work out or to run in the park.
I quickly lost a lot of weight but what is more important- I could look in the mirror and high- five myself for doing such a great job.
This the problem wasn't so big, but still- making myself a sandwich with cheese, potato chips and chili sauce was not the best choice for a midnight- snack (of course eaten alone, on the kitchen floor, pushing it fast into my mouth so that my boyfriend will not notice. Oh, and by the way- he did notice it anyway). So first I stopped that ridiculousness with overeating and compulsive eating and replaced it with a healthy eating plan. Week ago I started with the gym and already after 3 days I could feel that my body is ''happy'' again. I reduced kcal intake, maybe dramatically, I try to fit between 1,200 and 1,500 kcal per day. I have to be honest, I want to get in shape for the summer but during summer- keep it that way! Let's say, that a lean body for summer is my motivation, but I know already that I will not stop there. I will continue but probably after summer I will balance my diet a bit, so that I will not have to deal with a sad ''yo-yo'' effect.
I am trying to make better choices when buying food. Sure I still by instant Kellogg's oatmeal when I know that it will be useful for a quick-semi-healthy lunch at work. But I will say ''no'' to a sweetened yoghurt when I know that I can buy a natural one or greek one and put as many fruit as I want in it.
It really does feel better. And I have no problems watching my boyfriend consume a cheddar cheese-bacon- burger while I'm having a salad/soup/carpaccio/steamed chicken filet etc. The only problematic product are chips.
And it's not for the taste, I swear! It's for the sound. Because while I'm having a rice dessert, my boyfriend is having a portion of BBQ chips, and they simply make a lot of noise. And when he goes for a refill, I feel to say ''I'm gonna have a walk outside, call me when you're done!''.
But for the rest it's going great.
Of course the body after such a shitty food roller-coaster will adjust slowly, but I can already see that my tummy is getting flatter, my legs and arms are getting stronger and I heave more power and energy!
My aim is to get small abs! Because why not? I would like to see myself like that.
It's like trying to dye your hair blond- you don't know how are you going to look like but you want to try! Just with that small difference that with abs you will look great anyway (and feel great too!) but with blond hair- not necessarily.
Could it be that I wasn't happy with myself because I didn't feel I look good with the hair I've had but was too proud and stubborn to admit it was a bit of a failure? Highly possible.
If you want to feel good about yourself you don't need to change, but you need to remind yourself what are the things that make you happy, what conditions you need to be in to feel confident.
Just listen to yourself- to your body and mind, follow them as they are your best advisors.


I will not write too much now because I hope to write systematically this time.
Just wanted to let you know about few things that kept me away from writing recently.

Ok, I'm going to have a small ''The Walking Dead'' marathon now, talk to you later!

xxx