Something good can work.

I am writing with a hope that our laptop will not loose wifi as it didn't work properly last few days.

I went through kind of personal, intimate and mindful resurrection.
There were some small lies that I tried to get away with but people who know me, who believe in me and who hope for the best for me- they could see right through me.
It is not again about telling you how I got my shit together and to advise you to do the same, hell no.
I still have to put my eating disorder together and motivate myself to go back to sports, reading and  just simply being myself, doing things as I used to when I was mostly proud and fond of myself.
Look, the thing is to be absolutely honest with people. You don't have to do it with everyone.
Your least favorite colleague from work doesn't have to know about your emotional issues.
The lady from the grocery store doesn't need to hear about your lack of confidence. And for sure you don't need to share your problems with your customers at work. No.
But people who you care for deserve to know the truth. You yourself deserve to be honest about things you do, the things that make you happy and things which are not good for you.
Happiness is something you will not learn from a book ''Happiness for Dummies''.
These books, they scare the hell out of me, it's like you need other people (who you don't even know and who probably went through all sorts of different things than you did) to tell you how to deal with issues in your life.
I think we all know exactly what to do when shit comes down, but we are afraid to listen to ourselves because maybe it means doing something very difficult, taking action which doesn't fit in your agenda. Sure it's easy to search in google ''how do I stop thinking negatively'', while all you probably need is to get dressed up, go out for a walk and appreciate all the beauty of the world around.
How can I be happy about my body when I love those damn cookies so much but I follow all the lifestyle facebook pages and see the pictures of all the skinny, thigh- gapped 14-year-old girls?
I have to be crazy, I admit.

I talked to some people recently, people who I respect, love or to who I owe a lot, who believed in me.
All those people want is that I will be happy doing what I'm doing. If someone cares for you, but like really CARES, they will not judge you. They will for sure try to help you to embrace all of the uncertainties you have there in the back of your mind.
And it won't be that your problems will disappear, but it will give you such a relief that you will be able to proceed with things you need to sort out.

There were people who I was afraid to tell the truth. I was thinking ''Now it's too late, you said 'A' so you have to say 'B' ''. But that's not true at all, it's never too late. If you present your position with honesty and give people the feeling that all you want to do is to be sincere- no one will turn away from you.
And if they will, it means they are ignorant, so leave it behind.

I feel like a huge stone had been removed from my chest. I feel like I have my life under control again, that I can finally jump into my own shoes and walk comfortably.

Work? Never been better.
Home? Never been better.
Family? To be honest- still working on it.
Friends? The ones that I have and stay in touch with are great people with big hearts and open minds. Thank you for understanding and for kind words.

Yesterday I understood that I don't need to have all the answers, but if I want to achieve something or get somewhere I simply need to work on it.

Now, as I already mentioned on facebook before, we are going with Mattia to Poland for a week in July. Tickets are already in our pockets and I cannot wait to get on the plane!
17&18 of May I'm planning to attend to writing workshops at the Central Library again, this time about ''Writing short stories''. Looking forward to that one a lot!
My May schedule is a bit more loose so I will be finally able to go to Almere to visit my great friend Michelle and her wonderful baby- girl Jaleisha.
And of course my sister, who I didn't visit for a while!

Thank for reading again, I realize that it's not the most exciting part of your day, but it means a lot to me.

Love you!

xxx

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I think I am reaching a whole new level of understanding what relationship   is about. Or let me put it in another way: how to deal with a relationship of two people who are so similar to each other that when they confront a difference between them- they get a problem. It is a sort of collision which hits you like a train.. but it doesn’t hurt. It’s more like a biblical revelation, your eyes open to something that you didn’t notice before. It may not be as easy as you were thinking but it’s certainly worth the lesson. People make a mistake, they find someone who is very special and they think ‘’that’s it’’. Well, that’s what I also thought at first. I met someone who matches my idea of a man, the vision of a great partner. And all I was thinking about was how lucky I am, how the world should be jealous and that I have to hold on to that person no matter what, because ‘’that’s it’’. Uhm.. no no no. That doesn’t work exactly that way. When I think that way- I don’t enjoy. I ...
Read more

Once upon a time..

Image
There was this girl who decided she is completely done with working only to bring money home, while she literally couldn't stand her working environment anymore. She quit her job and began the search for a new one. It took her a lot of nerves to find anything. Sure, she had some offers men said she can't refuse. But she did refuse them because she is not just a pretty face to 'keep her image' to convince others she's good. She could be counting stocks in China now, flying from country to country because she closed a lot of deals, but no, it just didn't seem real in the end, there had to be a catch. She didn't find one in what she was offered in one restaurant. She found it a warm, cozy place with lovely people and by the way- serving her favorite kind of food. What could go wrong? Sure she was nervous for her first day but she was assured she'll get a training so no worries. Recently she started to work on her character as well. She decided to complain...
Read more

Love- hate relationship, pt. I

Image
From time to time, when meeting new people I am being repeatedly asked the same two questions. Question #1: ' Do you miss Poland ?' Question #2: ' So, do you like it here?' My natural reaction to both of the above stated questions is rolling my eyes, smiling politely and nodding: I never want to get into the details of probable answers because if I would, it wouldn't be a small talk anymore. I don't do small talk and if I do I am very awkward at it. I avoid it at all possible costs yet still, sometimes it finds me and bites me in the ass. Given the opportunity to speak (yes, I gave it to myself with the very first moment I created this highly popular blog) I have decided to explain a little about those question you love to ask the expats so much. Here we go! Do I miss Poland ? I had a very good reason to leave but now I am finding more and more reasons not to ever go back. Sure, I wish I could see my brother and my friend...
Read more