Hopes and fears.
So if I succeed- you will just notice it, I won't be writing about it in public anymore.
What else is there to focus on?
I will tell you about our self development progress.
Mattia got in to Gerrit Rietveld Academie. Yes- it's a fancy ass fine arts academy and we've been hoping for this to happen since he got his appointment to present assignments as a form of exam.
There were nervous moments filled with anticipation. Doubts mixed with hopes and fears. Pretending that it's not so important while we couldn't function without knowing the results.
And there it is, he got THE letter. He got in and when that moment came, I knew that we will do everything for him to try his best there. I am simply thrilled to see what it will mean for us!
Me, myself, I am thinking to take up a online distant studying course from Oxford University in creative writing. I am still hesitating, as it is an online course and who the hell knows if it's not just a money- making machine for Oxford Univ. and I will end up being disappointed by the result.
But I really want to push my writing and it seems like most of other options are fading away.
There was that writers meet- up group which had its meetings in hotel where I work. I was very enthusiastic to participate. I went once and the group fell apart after that one time. Sure it wasn't anything about me, but it was an unfortunate coincidence that it stopped to work out for people right after I joined the group and found people who were interested in my erotica. Pity, that's what it is.
In November I will be helping lovely Lisa from writing courses in Amsterdam, with National Novel Writing Month. So by then, I need to focus on something. Sure I can participate in any other workshop she does, but I feel I need something that will force me to put my ass down to writing on a daily basis.
I need to go back to reading more as I put my beloved ''The Signature of All Things'' back on shelf because I had ''no time at all'' to touch it with passion. I need to fire up again.
Recently, I was also thinking about why are we so afraid to make mistakes or to follow an unknown path in life. Maybe it's because we hope not to lose something or someone we love?
Just yesterday I was speaking with this girl who is going through difficult times now. In a moment of clarity in her insanely fast thoughts, she said ''Sure I will get over it, everybody does, and I will too, but I thought he was the love of my life.. so in the end I should be happy, right? Not everyone is meant to experience a love like that, and I did!''.
So, my point is, that even if we lose something that we loved very much, we should be aware how lucky we were to be able to have this experience anyway.
For a long time I was thinking that losing something you loved so much is just a joke from God. He puts someone/something so perfectly fitted for you on your way, and they he takes it away.
Well, now I see that even when that thing you loved is gone, we should still acknowledge how great it is that we could love something this much. It is painful to say goodbye, but it is priceless to keep it as an important life lesson, an experience.
Why I bring that up? Because it doesn't refer to people and relationships only. It refers to everything in life. It can be an object, animal, gift, talent, job- whatever made you happy and whatever is now gone.
Embrace it, say ''thank you'' and let it go. How does that refer to what I wrote before?
Whatever you take for granted in life- health, habits, people, passions- you never know how long will that last. But instead of being afraid to lose it, always be aware that even if you do, you should be grateful for the time you've had it.
And while it lasts- enjoy it and celebrate it best that you can, be present all the time, live in the 'now'.
Have a nice day and talk to you soon!
xxx
Comments
Post a Comment