Once upon a time..

There was this girl who decided she is completely done with working only to bring money home, while she literally couldn't stand her working environment anymore. She quit her job and began the search for a new one. It took her a lot of nerves to find anything. Sure, she had some offers men said she can't refuse. But she did refuse them because she is not just a pretty face to 'keep her image' to convince others she's good. She could be counting stocks in China now, flying from country to country because she closed a lot of deals, but no, it just didn't seem real in the end, there had to be a catch.
She didn't find one in what she was offered in one restaurant. She found it a warm, cozy place with lovely people and by the way- serving her favorite kind of food. What could go wrong? Sure she was nervous for her first day but she was assured she'll get a training so no worries.
Recently she started to work on her character as well. She decided to complain less, expect less, not overthink things and be in general positive. Her tracklist includes a song called 'Happy' which she tries to play once in a while to remind herself that her mood depends only on her own attitude.
It worked! I mean, it does work, really, with many many many things. But sure, there are outside factors crushing into her day, which then again, she has to manage not to ruin her mood.
Like for example cutting her hand open at work because somehow there was a broken glass in the trash bag. Oh, and then working the whole shift anyway because 'it's NOT SO DEEP'.
Or being constantly told how 'we don't do this and that like that here' because she hasn't been trained.
Or for instance being the only goddamn person to clean the toilets directly after eating a dinner. Puke.
But being delayed with receiving salary.. that's nothing but difficult because yes, she had some money issues, as her last contract stopped in September. But it's ok.
What is NOT ok anymore, let me tell you my sweet love birds, is to wake up to an email from her boss, that her payment didn't go through because she gave a wrong account number.
Just to make it clear for all of you who thought immediately 'her own fault!'.
1. She DID wrote down the correct number on the contract attachment.
2. She gave her employer her bank card to copy, and as we all know there is an account number on the front of it, as well.
So tell me now, lovey doveys, how come? What in the world could go wrong? Because I think I can't solve this one on my own.
And now the girl, instead of waking up and puking rainbows out of happiness, is a bit bitchy and her mood is just like the sky- grey, cloudy and watch out, there could be a storm coming down.

But only temporarily. Yeah yeah, you got me, the girl is me, congrats!
I'm really managing myself better these days. I'm working on not using words like 'maybe, I can't, I don't know, uhm ok' and anything else which leads me not to tell you straight in the face 'hell no!' or 'fuck yeah!' I am done being the person who can agree to everything just because I am easy going. I am, that's true, but come on, if I won't stand up for myself, nobody else will.
Look, it's not about revolution, there will always be a part of me which will let shit happen to myself. But at least I want to try to minimalize the effects of my personality.

I had a laugh with an ex-colleague just a moment ago. We spoke a bit about the Dutch, and I wrote a line which he told me to put a patent on. Like I said many times, I know a LOT of great people with Dutch nationality. But as expacts we also know a bunch of assholes, so that's where I commented about The Netherlands that:

                          ''Expectations here are way too high, for such a lowland''

Face it. You may be tall and have great Edam cheese, but the expectations.. lower them for God's sake.

ANYWAY, there is also a lot of positive things going on now. Like decorating the Christmas tree which is so cute and fluffy that I would give it a hug.. if it wouldn't be a tree!
Mattia picked amazing vintage owls which are sitting all over the tree (form time to time they try to fly away, but they always come back ;)).
Further on, we are going to celebrate the first day of Christmas at our place with family and friends!
I just can't wait, looking forward to it with all my heart! Cooking, preparing, eating together.. things which are basically so simple but give so much joy after another intense year.
Next thing is, thanks to my new job and nerves I lost some kilograms, and now I fit easily into size 36, while I was always a definite 40. Not bad I say, not bad.
And I have also something up my sleeve which makes it easier when it gets hard at work.
I am not telling you though, it's too early.
Today I'm meeting a girl from work because she and her boyfriend have a bike to sell and she's sweet enough to let me pay when I'll be able to if I take it. Sure, she knows where to find me anyway ;)

I know, I see it. I'm talking about going through changes to reach the less complaining me, but it was a pretty angry post at first. But believe me, now that I let it all out, I'm better. Thanks to this blog (even if you leave no feedback, ekhemm!) I can write all my frustrations down ad they just leave my body, and I'm ok again. It's a really therapeutic system.

Here you have a picture I have recently found. I presented it first to Mattia. There are many occasions when he asks me if everything is ok.
It goes like that: I have the best day of my life, I'm happy inside and feel like I own it all (pic. on the left). But at the same time I don't control my facial expressions and then it seems that my face is saying 'I hate everything, leave me alone' (pic. on the right).
So if you see me with a bitchface but I ain't complaining- just understand that everything is ok, I am perfectly fine! :)

Meow-eow.

Alicja

P.S. As you can see I made few changes with the layout to make it more clear, but anyway I have a plan to move out from here to a 'better place' ;)