Good-bye, Blue Monday!

Baby, it's cold outside

I've told myself to write more frequently and among all recent events I am trying to keep this resolution alive. Well, this week had been quite intense; training at my new job, Christmas preparations, Christmas dinner, quitting my temporary job at a restaurant. Today I want to do something creative with earrings and maybe go to the city on my cute bike because weather looks just great. I also have to look through the notes I took during my training on Monday and prepare for tomorrow, as it is the second training day for me <yay!>.

I don't want to say too much.. but probably I will anyway. I had this training on Monday and the only difficult thing was that the night before I had a shift at the restaurant. So I finished at midnight, took a shower and at 6am I was already up to make myself ready for the first day at the new job.
This was the difference: I just simply prepared myself, had a coffee and left the house. By that I mean I even had no time to get stressed. I could feel I'm excited but I had no thoughts like when going to my previous 'first days', for example: 'omg what if I dressed wrong, what if I'll be an outcast, what if I forgot everything about the job, what if BLAHBLAHBLAH'. Nothing, niente, nada, niks, nic, zero, null.

I just went there in a good mood, with a lot of caffeine in my blood and guess what: BEST first day at work, EVER. I am not exaggerating. You know, whether it was the restaurant just now or the hotel I've worked for nearly 2 years i have never had a proper training. It was either fun and pointless or just simply no training at all. If I wanted to know more or do more because I felt ready to do so, it was always 'not now, not yet, you'll get to it later' and my favorite after working already one month as a waitress 'do NOT take ANY orders YET, because we have a system here and you still need to get to know it'. I mean, I get it- there are things that have to come with time. But I consider myself a fast learner, and I get bored and annoyed if you keep me hanging on the same level forever. I like to move, know more, be better at the job that I do. It's better for you, me and everyone else.
So long story short- at my new job I got a proper training. I got started straight-away, with explanations, a bit of fun (but like pro fun and proper fun), I got introduced to everyone I met on my way (even housekeeping which is the same company we've had working for us in the previous hotel, with the difference that here, everyone remembers the names of housekeeping staff and actually they are treated with respect). Next great thing is that I got to see the whole place, I've been also left alone for short moments and I didn't freak out because.. Yeah, how come?
I was always so tighten up about new things, about the unknown. When I'm new somewhere I just pray that I will do at least fine and will not embarrass myself. And what changed?

Maybe it's the difference in treatment I got, maybe it's that people there seem to be sincere (smart, straight to the point, fun but also professional). Maybe it's the attitude I got from quitting the hotel and taking up job at the restaurant, as the vision of being a waitress always scared the hell out of me. Maybe it was when for the first time in my life, I striked back at my manager, it went something like that: Saturday, around 9pm local time, restaurant is full, people are waiting for pasta 1,5hour, manager tells me to bring dessert menu to table 6 but before I got to do that 3 other tables asked me for water, olives, wine and complained about waiting time, etc. I finally got to table 6 with dessert menus and noticed they finished their wine so I offered to refill the bottle. So I did more than I've been asked for and actually was proud of myself. I am pouring the wine in the back with a slight smile on my face, while my manager almost runs to me and gets on my back with furious anger:
- DID YOU FINALLY GIVE THE MENUS TO TABLE 6 OR N O T ?!?!?!?!
She gave me that half ironic- half not believing face with a tone you would hate yourself if you'd hear it. It took me a second not to blow up.. and then I said to myself 'screw that'. So just as furious as she was I answered:
- YES I D I D ; THEY ARE READING IT NOW.
Only thing I didn't control is that I put on my bitch face and almost did the 'uh-huh, guess who did all, bitch!' tone. It got quiet for a second in the back. Next day she apologized to me and I said that it's ok, in the end for a person who's only training was about washing the window outside in the winter, I'm doing quite good, I guess.

Look. I've always underestimated myself. If someone was saying 'hey, you're good in English class', I was like 'uhm.. yeah.. you know, could be better but I guess I'm doing ok'. If someone saw a picture I took and told me 'this one's great', I would reply 'yeah.. it's not my best but nice to hear that you like it'.
If one of friends would say 'you speak Dutch without attending a course? awesome!',  I would probably take a step back and try to fit into the background until somebody would come, push me and say for me 'yeah, she can, she speaks it fluently, actually'.
I have no intention to become a snob or that bitch who wears a t-shirt with 'I'm flawless' kind of line on it, but I definitely have to stop pretending that I have nothing to be proud of or that there are things I'm good at. And if there's something I totally suck at, I can and I WILL improve.
I am a nice person and I have no interest in becoming an asshole. But I should work on my confidence and just tell myself 'yes I can!' if I get any doubts.
Maybe that's why on my first day at the new job I was excited, but excited to start, to see how they do things, meet the people, learn, start something new. I had no expectations and no big demons in my head. And you know what? It was amazing, I am looking forward to go there again tomorrow and then to start. I feel this could be a place where I belong. No kidding here.

About our 1st Christmas Day dinner: very nice! My sister came with her boyfriend, friend of Mattia came along with his lovely girlfriend. Table was full of food, prepared also by our guests, everything was delicious, conversations were fun and enjoyable, atmosphere was amazing. I wouldn't expect such a nice evening even if I would put up any expectations. I'm still finishing up the shrimp cocktail (yeah, I know I'm taking a risk there with that maionese- ketchup sauce but it's still so tasty!), yesterday I had the last piece of homemade chocolate cake (sad face) and only thing we'll have left now is one of 3 goat cheeses brought by Michael and all the salty snacks that were just too much to eat them all.
We also received cute gifts and Penny was in the center of attention with her lady charm.
I am planning to go on a healthy habit diet from January on and go back to the gym. It's not a resolution, but more of a promise I made to my butt and muffin- topped belly.

Mattia got us Museum Cards so from now on: unlimited access to all museums!
We already started with Stedelijk Musueum and saw the exhibition of Lawrence Weiner 'Written on the Wind'. Amazing works which we would both like to know more about to fully understand them.
And imagine what can be next.. FOAM? Rijskmuseum, Van Gogh..?! All of them and much more!

Check this out:

5euro, Malevich;), Stedelijk Museum escalator.



Oh God, it's winter in Amsterdam and the sun is shining! I think it's a sign for me, to go outside.

For now that's it, I dare you to read it all carefully and tell me what you think, it's easy to scroll down for a picture or video, but if you make the effort to read it, why won't you leave a comment, huh?

Love you all, and bless you all!

Amen.