We all do, don't we?
I haven't been writing for ages and I miss that. Altough I know my audience is not too big, I like the feeling that I'm sending my stories out, to the web at least.
I didn't write a word about Italy, about my health issues or about the struggle with searching for a new job.
Italy? Last time I fell in love with that country and food at most. This time.. I truly began to love the people there and I understood a bit more the way they live.
Mom of Mattia was more than a lovely host. I came closer to her, I saw her as a strong, independent and hard working woman who did her best to rise her son with help of family and friends. Friends such as Stefano, who feels like a part of the family, or who actually became family, who sticks around and is there, altough not always you see how much he does (because he doesn't care to bee seen). I am always quite afraid to get close with people because so many times we all get disappointed with others in who first we put trust. But that place, those people.. they feel so truly sincere that it pushes my worries away. I just tried to give in. Sure it's not easy but I did gave it a try. We had that amazing evening under the stars, with great food from barbecue, tasty wine, looking through family pictures and listening to all of the stories from the past. The fire was keeping us warm and at this moment I could only think about how grateful I am to be a part of it. I was watching the stars, one of them fell and I made my wish. It made me also think about my own family, especially my mom who had birthday the next day.. But about that some other time.
I also let go of one of my biggest fears: horses. Believe it or not these animals used to scare the hell out of me. They are big, strong and I always had that nightmare that if I come too close they might kick me or something. But I decided to give it a try and agreed to ride a horse. Patato (that was his name) was very nice to me. He let me get on his back and taught me how to keep my balance. Once you give in you start to enjoy every second of it. Seeing through your fears makes you stronger.
I also defeated another demon in my head. There was this thing which I couldn't erase from my memory, a character which was making me feel nauseous everytime I thought about it. And I literally got over it. I came so close to it, I recongized it and realized that it's no threat to me.
I met wonderful people and all of them taught me a valuable lesson. It was truly difficult to pack up and go home, to leave. Why? Let me explain.
I love Amsterdam, I love our home, I love our cute Nancy&Penny.
But as soon as we landed: rain, grumpy dutch people complaining about everything and issues to solve.
The evening that we landed I was going with my sister to see Roger Waters performing ''The Wall'' at the Amsterdam ArenA. I have to say, me and my sister.. we were just extatic about it. I mean.. it's a dream come true. If you ever listened to the album or saw the movie you should understand. I mean we got lucky with the tickets which we didn't pay for, however I know how expensive they were. So if you buy a ticket like that, it means that you really want to see it and you're willing to pay any kind of money for it. Well, not always.
Let me tell you one thing. Just right behind us there was that man who said to his wife ''thank God there are special effects, otherwise it would be so boring''.
Ok, hold your horses there! I know that these kind of words I could here from one of our interns at work who certainly know who is Nicki Minaj and know more about the 'carrier' of Rihanna than about how to read a map, but dude was like 50 years old and if he paid for the ticket, he should be at least a bit interested. Look, I know not everybody needs to cry when Roger Waters perform ''Comfortably Numb'' like I did, but at least have the decency to shut your cheesy mouth up. End of the story.
Work? I will have my 3 last days in this hotel from Saturday on and I realized there will be acutally people who I will miss and I'm more than happy to hear when someone says that I will always be a part of the team in a way. I had nice moments there, I learned a lot of lessons and last but not least- I met Mattia there. But on the other hand I'm happy as hell to leave that hotel. After my contract is finished maybe I will mention more precisly why, or maybe not, maybe I should keep it classy and write a speech of how grateful I am for all of the experience that I gained there, instead of being grumpy.
I don't know, I will see which way will the wind blow.
I will not write a thing about how is it going with searching for a new job, because I know that when I get all too excited, sometimes things don't go the way that I expected them to.
My health.. screw that, I am tired of that. I am tired of doctors who treat me like a rat to run experiments on, I am tired of getting bills for tests which I was certain were free of costs, I am tired of ideas like ''hey, let's stick 3 tubes in your belly to check what's the real problem, yes it may affect your fertility and you will have to pay for it too, but we THINK that it's a good solution''. Well what I THINK is that you should shove your dumb ideas up your ass and give me my money back.
I had few days when I was walking down the streets with fat bass in my earphones, feeling like I own it all, but today I have they day when I'd like to put my comfy sweater on, turn up ''High Hopes'' from Pink Floyd to the maximum volume and scream that ''The grass was greener, the light was brighter''..
Don't worry, I'm ok. I just need to clear my head up, probably while doing laundry or dishes, and I'll be perfectly fine.
I have people to be ''fine'' for, I couldn't ever get really, constantly depressed with a wonderful boyfriend by my side, ridicoulus kitty and a cavia which can be louder than a guitar solo. I have my sister who means the world to me, and her great children who are always full of bright thoughts and funny ideas. I have my family in Poland, parents who are maybe not too involved but I think about them a lot and I hope their health is good. I have my brother and his family, who I miss so damn much.
I have friends to shake me up, here and still in Poland, or maybe even in other countries.
Love is all around
, and when I remember about it, I drop sad songs and I'm good again. I just need to remember how lucky I am afterall.
xoxo
Alicja
I didn't write a word about Italy, about my health issues or about the struggle with searching for a new job.
Italy? Last time I fell in love with that country and food at most. This time.. I truly began to love the people there and I understood a bit more the way they live.
Mom of Mattia was more than a lovely host. I came closer to her, I saw her as a strong, independent and hard working woman who did her best to rise her son with help of family and friends. Friends such as Stefano, who feels like a part of the family, or who actually became family, who sticks around and is there, altough not always you see how much he does (because he doesn't care to bee seen). I am always quite afraid to get close with people because so many times we all get disappointed with others in who first we put trust. But that place, those people.. they feel so truly sincere that it pushes my worries away. I just tried to give in. Sure it's not easy but I did gave it a try. We had that amazing evening under the stars, with great food from barbecue, tasty wine, looking through family pictures and listening to all of the stories from the past. The fire was keeping us warm and at this moment I could only think about how grateful I am to be a part of it. I was watching the stars, one of them fell and I made my wish. It made me also think about my own family, especially my mom who had birthday the next day.. But about that some other time.
I also let go of one of my biggest fears: horses. Believe it or not these animals used to scare the hell out of me. They are big, strong and I always had that nightmare that if I come too close they might kick me or something. But I decided to give it a try and agreed to ride a horse. Patato (that was his name) was very nice to me. He let me get on his back and taught me how to keep my balance. Once you give in you start to enjoy every second of it. Seeing through your fears makes you stronger.
I also defeated another demon in my head. There was this thing which I couldn't erase from my memory, a character which was making me feel nauseous everytime I thought about it. And I literally got over it. I came so close to it, I recongized it and realized that it's no threat to me.
I met wonderful people and all of them taught me a valuable lesson. It was truly difficult to pack up and go home, to leave. Why? Let me explain.
I love Amsterdam, I love our home, I love our cute Nancy&Penny.
But as soon as we landed: rain, grumpy dutch people complaining about everything and issues to solve.
The evening that we landed I was going with my sister to see Roger Waters performing ''The Wall'' at the Amsterdam ArenA. I have to say, me and my sister.. we were just extatic about it. I mean.. it's a dream come true. If you ever listened to the album or saw the movie you should understand. I mean we got lucky with the tickets which we didn't pay for, however I know how expensive they were. So if you buy a ticket like that, it means that you really want to see it and you're willing to pay any kind of money for it. Well, not always.
Let me tell you one thing. Just right behind us there was that man who said to his wife ''thank God there are special effects, otherwise it would be so boring''.
Ok, hold your horses there! I know that these kind of words I could here from one of our interns at work who certainly know who is Nicki Minaj and know more about the 'carrier' of Rihanna than about how to read a map, but dude was like 50 years old and if he paid for the ticket, he should be at least a bit interested. Look, I know not everybody needs to cry when Roger Waters perform ''Comfortably Numb'' like I did, but at least have the decency to shut your cheesy mouth up. End of the story.
Work? I will have my 3 last days in this hotel from Saturday on and I realized there will be acutally people who I will miss and I'm more than happy to hear when someone says that I will always be a part of the team in a way. I had nice moments there, I learned a lot of lessons and last but not least- I met Mattia there. But on the other hand I'm happy as hell to leave that hotel. After my contract is finished maybe I will mention more precisly why, or maybe not, maybe I should keep it classy and write a speech of how grateful I am for all of the experience that I gained there, instead of being grumpy.
I don't know, I will see which way will the wind blow.
I will not write a thing about how is it going with searching for a new job, because I know that when I get all too excited, sometimes things don't go the way that I expected them to.
My health.. screw that, I am tired of that. I am tired of doctors who treat me like a rat to run experiments on, I am tired of getting bills for tests which I was certain were free of costs, I am tired of ideas like ''hey, let's stick 3 tubes in your belly to check what's the real problem, yes it may affect your fertility and you will have to pay for it too, but we THINK that it's a good solution''. Well what I THINK is that you should shove your dumb ideas up your ass and give me my money back.
I had few days when I was walking down the streets with fat bass in my earphones, feeling like I own it all, but today I have they day when I'd like to put my comfy sweater on, turn up ''High Hopes'' from Pink Floyd to the maximum volume and scream that ''The grass was greener, the light was brighter''..
Don't worry, I'm ok. I just need to clear my head up, probably while doing laundry or dishes, and I'll be perfectly fine.
I have people to be ''fine'' for, I couldn't ever get really, constantly depressed with a wonderful boyfriend by my side, ridicoulus kitty and a cavia which can be louder than a guitar solo. I have my sister who means the world to me, and her great children who are always full of bright thoughts and funny ideas. I have my family in Poland, parents who are maybe not too involved but I think about them a lot and I hope their health is good. I have my brother and his family, who I miss so damn much.
I have friends to shake me up, here and still in Poland, or maybe even in other countries.
Love is all around
, and when I remember about it, I drop sad songs and I'm good again. I just need to remember how lucky I am afterall.
xoxo
Alicja
The taste was sweeter
ReplyDeleteThe nights of wonder
With friends surrounded
and just to add:
Together we stand,divided we fall