Drifting.
My name is Alicja and I am (almost) 23 years old. I have a full time job as a receptionist at one of the biggest hotel chains. I have my life in Amsterdam, in the centre of it I have a home together with my boyfriend. We have a cute pet called Nancy, she's a ginny pig.
Life is great, fast and intense. All the scents, flavours and sounds, they create an atmosphere that is irresistible. You want it all, you want it here and now. But what happens when the music is over?
I don't think that you get my worries at this point of this post, so let me explain.
Lately I've been having these ideas of how to manage my near-future life.
Now that I finally start with my full time contract I can start to think about what's next.
First, I need and want to save some money, just for our own safety.
But then.. One of the days an idea appeared in my head.
-Why don't you go and study?
There was this voice in my head, and to be honest it is still there.
I found inHolland University, which offers to study Communication fully in english.
Why? Because there are a lot of job offers, like text editor, copywriter or writer, for all of them I have all the great predispositions- but not a bachelor paper.
The positions that I mentioned.. they would be my dream job. Imagine that, from writing a blog to a text editor! Sure, I can always skip that and be an independent writer, but for that I need a bit of luck.
All of it sounds great, but then the money issue jumps in. 1,800euro per year+500euro for books etc.
I can get some money from the government for that, but.. how much?
It's a full time study, I would have to work in the weekends probably.
Is it worth it, is it not too mch of an effort again?
Another issue is- it would take me 3 years, starting: February.
3 years, then it would be appropriate to find a job in my field of studies.
4-5 years to get it going.
It's a great thing to do, I got really excited thinking about it.
I was always in a hurry to adult life.
I've been working since I was 16, I always wanted to finish high school as soon as possible, almost 2 years ago I came to Amsterdam to start a whole different life and so many things happened during that period. I got a job, I moved twice, I met a great man, we had issues and we solved them, I went through my sister's divorce, I'm improving the best I can- quit smoking, started with a gym, trying to eat better, to be a better person on all possible levels.
I am away from home, from my parents and my brother's family. I miss my friends.
But still, I keep on rolling.
And maybe I don't look that way, because still I have a face of a 23-year-old, but inside I feel more mature. I feel ready for life, whatever it will bring me.
And I am afraid that idea of studying is just an escape to a carefree world in which I will have only books on my head. Because work is work, but sometimes when I see how we get on there, how hard some of us work and what do we get for that- I am not sure if that's for me.
You can work hard and one day receive applause, while the other day you work just as hard or even harder and you still get complaints.
I have to tell you- everytime I call myself sick it's a problem.
I can work alone the whole shift, either I've been scheduled that way or someone else called sick.
But when I leave somebody alone, I am being called on my mobile 2 times, from the very morning on, by two different managers and I have to feel gulity that I sweat myself off in bed feeling like shit.
Sorry, but I don't want to be treated like that. Besides, sometimes I can do more when I work alone, than when I work with SOME of my colleagues.
If I am going to be asked one more time ''oh, you did all the checklist alone! what should I do then?'' (intending to be funny).. I am going to explode. What should you do? Finish your emails before 3pm like you said you will around 7 when we started our shift.
What I found truly great was training our new receptionist. Our FOM asked me to do that as she was busy, and I have to say that I wasn't aware of how much I know.
But anyway, all that stress from work put me down to thinking that maybe I need some time off before I get burned out at the age of 23.
There is only one gap in that plan.
Family. Yes, I am talking about MY family, that one day I want to have. We want to.
And as long as the age difference between us is not getting smaller (and it won't), I need to rethink my idea seriuosly. Maybe I need a getaway, but not necessarily in a shape of studies.
We had these feelings of having ''an extra person in'' before BatMatt reaches 30.
Well, if I do all of that University stuff.. this is not going to happen that way.
I had a dream yesterday morning. We+1 in Italy on holiday, visiting Mattia's mom. Sun was shining, we were chilling outside her house, I was watching the hills and she was..she was playing with Mattia's miniature. And everything felt right. It felt good, safe, secure, just the way it should be.
And when I woke up I had confront it with my latest idea.
And I'm not sure. I don't know. Maybe I should just relax and think of other possibilites to make it as an independent writer rather than going to school for 3 years.
It is a difficult decision, but there is one thing that I know for sure.
Sooner or later my dream will come true. It is only for me/us to decide when.
Love,
Alicja
P.S. It is funny how few days ago I found this picture on the internet. It says ''I am 23 and I know nothing''.
Life is great, fast and intense. All the scents, flavours and sounds, they create an atmosphere that is irresistible. You want it all, you want it here and now. But what happens when the music is over?
I don't think that you get my worries at this point of this post, so let me explain.
Lately I've been having these ideas of how to manage my near-future life.
Now that I finally start with my full time contract I can start to think about what's next.
First, I need and want to save some money, just for our own safety.
But then.. One of the days an idea appeared in my head.
-Why don't you go and study?
There was this voice in my head, and to be honest it is still there.
I found inHolland University, which offers to study Communication fully in english.
Why? Because there are a lot of job offers, like text editor, copywriter or writer, for all of them I have all the great predispositions- but not a bachelor paper.
The positions that I mentioned.. they would be my dream job. Imagine that, from writing a blog to a text editor! Sure, I can always skip that and be an independent writer, but for that I need a bit of luck.
All of it sounds great, but then the money issue jumps in. 1,800euro per year+500euro for books etc.
I can get some money from the government for that, but.. how much?
It's a full time study, I would have to work in the weekends probably.
Is it worth it, is it not too mch of an effort again?
Another issue is- it would take me 3 years, starting: February.
3 years, then it would be appropriate to find a job in my field of studies.
4-5 years to get it going.
It's a great thing to do, I got really excited thinking about it.
I was always in a hurry to adult life.
I've been working since I was 16, I always wanted to finish high school as soon as possible, almost 2 years ago I came to Amsterdam to start a whole different life and so many things happened during that period. I got a job, I moved twice, I met a great man, we had issues and we solved them, I went through my sister's divorce, I'm improving the best I can- quit smoking, started with a gym, trying to eat better, to be a better person on all possible levels.
I am away from home, from my parents and my brother's family. I miss my friends.
But still, I keep on rolling.
And maybe I don't look that way, because still I have a face of a 23-year-old, but inside I feel more mature. I feel ready for life, whatever it will bring me.
And I am afraid that idea of studying is just an escape to a carefree world in which I will have only books on my head. Because work is work, but sometimes when I see how we get on there, how hard some of us work and what do we get for that- I am not sure if that's for me.
You can work hard and one day receive applause, while the other day you work just as hard or even harder and you still get complaints.
I have to tell you- everytime I call myself sick it's a problem.
I can work alone the whole shift, either I've been scheduled that way or someone else called sick.
But when I leave somebody alone, I am being called on my mobile 2 times, from the very morning on, by two different managers and I have to feel gulity that I sweat myself off in bed feeling like shit.
Sorry, but I don't want to be treated like that. Besides, sometimes I can do more when I work alone, than when I work with SOME of my colleagues.
If I am going to be asked one more time ''oh, you did all the checklist alone! what should I do then?'' (intending to be funny).. I am going to explode. What should you do? Finish your emails before 3pm like you said you will around 7 when we started our shift.
What I found truly great was training our new receptionist. Our FOM asked me to do that as she was busy, and I have to say that I wasn't aware of how much I know.
But anyway, all that stress from work put me down to thinking that maybe I need some time off before I get burned out at the age of 23.
There is only one gap in that plan.
Family. Yes, I am talking about MY family, that one day I want to have. We want to.
And as long as the age difference between us is not getting smaller (and it won't), I need to rethink my idea seriuosly. Maybe I need a getaway, but not necessarily in a shape of studies.
We had these feelings of having ''an extra person in'' before BatMatt reaches 30.
Well, if I do all of that University stuff.. this is not going to happen that way.
I had a dream yesterday morning. We+1 in Italy on holiday, visiting Mattia's mom. Sun was shining, we were chilling outside her house, I was watching the hills and she was..she was playing with Mattia's miniature. And everything felt right. It felt good, safe, secure, just the way it should be.
And when I woke up I had confront it with my latest idea.
And I'm not sure. I don't know. Maybe I should just relax and think of other possibilites to make it as an independent writer rather than going to school for 3 years.
It is a difficult decision, but there is one thing that I know for sure.
Sooner or later my dream will come true. It is only for me/us to decide when.
Love,
Alicja
P.S. It is funny how few days ago I found this picture on the internet. It says ''I am 23 and I know nothing''.
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