Stormy weather.

I didn't sleep again. I mean, every hour I was facing the fact that the clock moved just one hour ahead since I checked it last time.
My life, sweet like cinnamon- got a bit bitter. I mean, when I get one thing solved then another problem comes up. But some things, no matter how hard you try, are unable to get solved.
Last week I can call the worst week of this year. All the time something new was coming up to me, to slap me in the face and say ''You see, you're not as good as you were thinking''.
Well.. I don't have problems to admit that. I am not as good as I should be.
Yesterday in the night I've been considering every possibility- even going back to Poland.
But come on. That would be a huge step back, and I need to move forward.
So I started to make other plans which I am not going to mention here, because those are only plans and I don't want them not to work out because I said them out loud.
Now I am going to wait for what happens. I feel that I let some people down with something that wasn't even real, or close to the truth. People know me, but when it comes to rumors.. they don't know what to believe, so I feel like I've just lost some trust from them.
I hate it, I can't stand the fact that the person who is most important to me had some doubts.
Yesterday before all of that happened I told my sister about one subject that ''you should choose people who are worth your time, trust and friendship''. Why am I so good at giving people advices that I don't use?

We are all messed up. We are all fucking around hoping that people won't notice. They do, we all do.
Crap, I need my holidays, I need a getaway.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I think I am reaching a whole new level of understanding what relationship   is about. Or let me put it in another way: how to deal with a relationship of two people who are so similar to each other that when they confront a difference between them- they get a problem. It is a sort of collision which hits you like a train.. but it doesn’t hurt. It’s more like a biblical revelation, your eyes open to something that you didn’t notice before. It may not be as easy as you were thinking but it’s certainly worth the lesson. People make a mistake, they find someone who is very special and they think ‘’that’s it’’. Well, that’s what I also thought at first. I met someone who matches my idea of a man, the vision of a great partner. And all I was thinking about was how lucky I am, how the world should be jealous and that I have to hold on to that person no matter what, because ‘’that’s it’’. Uhm.. no no no. That doesn’t work exactly that way. When I think that way- I don’t enjoy. I ...
Read more

Once upon a time..

Image
There was this girl who decided she is completely done with working only to bring money home, while she literally couldn't stand her working environment anymore. She quit her job and began the search for a new one. It took her a lot of nerves to find anything. Sure, she had some offers men said she can't refuse. But she did refuse them because she is not just a pretty face to 'keep her image' to convince others she's good. She could be counting stocks in China now, flying from country to country because she closed a lot of deals, but no, it just didn't seem real in the end, there had to be a catch. She didn't find one in what she was offered in one restaurant. She found it a warm, cozy place with lovely people and by the way- serving her favorite kind of food. What could go wrong? Sure she was nervous for her first day but she was assured she'll get a training so no worries. Recently she started to work on her character as well. She decided to complain...
Read more

Love- hate relationship, pt. I

Image
From time to time, when meeting new people I am being repeatedly asked the same two questions. Question #1: ' Do you miss Poland ?' Question #2: ' So, do you like it here?' My natural reaction to both of the above stated questions is rolling my eyes, smiling politely and nodding: I never want to get into the details of probable answers because if I would, it wouldn't be a small talk anymore. I don't do small talk and if I do I am very awkward at it. I avoid it at all possible costs yet still, sometimes it finds me and bites me in the ass. Given the opportunity to speak (yes, I gave it to myself with the very first moment I created this highly popular blog) I have decided to explain a little about those question you love to ask the expats so much. Here we go! Do I miss Poland ? I had a very good reason to leave but now I am finding more and more reasons not to ever go back. Sure, I wish I could see my brother and my friend...
Read more