Posso acompagnarti a casa?

So, yesterday I went to the city, alone.
It has been a year since I arrived at the Amstel Station early in the morning, with two bags.. and a crumpy guy by my side. I was lost, I had no idea what am I doing, how will I manage my life here.
I had a head full of ideas, but not my ideas.
My heart was breaking, my body and heart were screaming ''love means sacrifices!'' but my mind was louder than that. Thanks to God, my sister and her husband I got out from the worst, most toxic relationship ever..
And then I slowly started to build everything up.
I began to set some achievements for the future.
And oh my dear Lord, I would never say that I will reach them so fast.
Year ago I had nothing besides some dreams that I was certain, not gonna come true.
I had to bend my knees and admit that I was wrong, that I never really loved that guy, because it is impossible to share a feeling like that with a sociopathic personality.
I cried my eyes out.. But I resurrected.
I became strong and confident, it was not easy among strangers.
But some of them stopped being strangers, we built friendships.
I was able to manage things on my own.
I went to Spain. I visited Poland, I got my dream tattoo, I started to do the things I want.
I bought a dream camera.
I didn´t wanted any relationship, because I had that bad experience from my previous one.
And then, during one night, THE night, all my big ideas about not seeing anyone for real went down.
I met the man who I knew only from my dreams.
He was there, right there by my side, holding my hand, telling me I´m beautiful in the most natural way.
Nothing ever was so perfect. And I´m afraid nothing ever will be this good.

I did some shopping, I had a nice lunch and a coffee, I sat be the canal with an Italian phrasebook and was just enjoying how nice the words and sentences are. The sun was shining, people on the canal cruise boats were passing by, looking at me with a couriosity.

And then unexpectedly bello said he can come tonight. What else could I think of?

Sure, there are moments when I lose my grip, when I'm completely distracted. But then I thinkg about flight tickets which I purchased, or about the future which can be quite beautiful.. And it makes my day.

Nothing will make you happy if you won't realize yourself how happy you already are.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I think I am reaching a whole new level of understanding what relationship   is about. Or let me put it in another way: how to deal with a relationship of two people who are so similar to each other that when they confront a difference between them- they get a problem. It is a sort of collision which hits you like a train.. but it doesn’t hurt. It’s more like a biblical revelation, your eyes open to something that you didn’t notice before. It may not be as easy as you were thinking but it’s certainly worth the lesson. People make a mistake, they find someone who is very special and they think ‘’that’s it’’. Well, that’s what I also thought at first. I met someone who matches my idea of a man, the vision of a great partner. And all I was thinking about was how lucky I am, how the world should be jealous and that I have to hold on to that person no matter what, because ‘’that’s it’’. Uhm.. no no no. That doesn’t work exactly that way. When I think that way- I don’t enjoy. I ...
Read more

Once upon a time..

Image
There was this girl who decided she is completely done with working only to bring money home, while she literally couldn't stand her working environment anymore. She quit her job and began the search for a new one. It took her a lot of nerves to find anything. Sure, she had some offers men said she can't refuse. But she did refuse them because she is not just a pretty face to 'keep her image' to convince others she's good. She could be counting stocks in China now, flying from country to country because she closed a lot of deals, but no, it just didn't seem real in the end, there had to be a catch. She didn't find one in what she was offered in one restaurant. She found it a warm, cozy place with lovely people and by the way- serving her favorite kind of food. What could go wrong? Sure she was nervous for her first day but she was assured she'll get a training so no worries. Recently she started to work on her character as well. She decided to complain...
Read more

Love- hate relationship, pt. I

Image
From time to time, when meeting new people I am being repeatedly asked the same two questions. Question #1: ' Do you miss Poland ?' Question #2: ' So, do you like it here?' My natural reaction to both of the above stated questions is rolling my eyes, smiling politely and nodding: I never want to get into the details of probable answers because if I would, it wouldn't be a small talk anymore. I don't do small talk and if I do I am very awkward at it. I avoid it at all possible costs yet still, sometimes it finds me and bites me in the ass. Given the opportunity to speak (yes, I gave it to myself with the very first moment I created this highly popular blog) I have decided to explain a little about those question you love to ask the expats so much. Here we go! Do I miss Poland ? I had a very good reason to leave but now I am finding more and more reasons not to ever go back. Sure, I wish I could see my brother and my friend...
Read more