It's just another day.

I texted my Dad today, that I miss them all. He texted back that they miss me too.
I almost cried in the tram.

Sometimes I feel lonely, altough I've got my sister here, my wonderful boyfriend and my friends.
It's just something I can't explain.
The thing is.. I don't like to be alone then. But if I have to.. what can I do?
I just light another cigarette and hope that tomorrow it will get better.

I've sent an application to Gerrit Rietveld's Academie for O-year. It would be great if it works out.
I don't know where from will I get the money for it, but it's something I will worry about later.
I just see that time is passing by. A lot of my friends are already engaged/married/have children.
Don't get me wrong- I don't want that, I think it's way too early. But it makes me realize that time goes by and I need to do something if I don't want to get stuck at the reception desk for my whole life.
People hurt me more and more with that stupid rat race. I don't want any prize, I don't want superficial luck.

I just want to watch the sunset with a feeling that I did something that made a difference.
At least for me.

I remember the New Years Eve when I was wishing everyone that next year should be better that the previous one. Because honestly, last year was a drama, a mistake and a failure.
And in that matter, I feel lucky, because.. I seem to be the only one who is having an approximately great year up until now. I still have a job in Amsterdam, I moved in to Amsterdam, I met this guy who is nothing but perfect, I met a lot of great people, I experienced a lot of difficulties which only made me stronger.
I visited Madrid, Antwerp and I plan to go with my bello to Italy in October.
I have no particular reason to be unhappy. Sure, I still have some health issues which sometimes get me down. But hey, that's a small price to pay for the life that I have.

I feel the Sun shining on my kitchen table, I look at the blue sky and I know that ''what doesn't kill you- makes you stronger''.

But there is some part of me, which I know I have from my Dad's character, that gives me continous sadness somewhere deep down inside. But.. I like to be sad sometimes.

Just hold my hand when it's difficult.

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