Now I've gotten in too deep

Summertime (CLICK!)

Some things I just can't explain.
The way I feel, for example.
It's kind of a chemical reaction, and I was never good at chemistry.
It's like air. I have to accept the fact it exists without seeing it. But I can smell some scents in it, sometimes it gets hot, blurry or moisty.
Wow, that's a nice comparison!

So, recently, a lot of things have changed. In my personal life, at work. I try to accept them all in the way I receive them. I believe it's the best way to deal with life. Don't fight with it, if something is ment to be- it will happen anyway.

Someone told me few days ago, that you have to be confident to succeed.
Well.. I have a quite good self-esteem, but self confidence.. That's something I haven't learned yet.
It's hard to do, because at some point you need to act like what you do is always right, even if you have to risk a bit about that. But I can't, don't know how to. I am very self critical, I don't judge other people because I know I am imperfect too. I don't like when people get angry, at me or at each other in my company. I hate it, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I am a fucking pacifist. Hate conflicts.
But I realised one thing- I want to succeed, I do. So.. I need to gain some self confidence. Now.
Especially because things got heavy at work.

Once I used to know somebody who was way too self confident. The guy.. Oh well, he was acting like he owns the whole world while his mom kept on preparing him sandwiches to school and work until.. now (yep, he's my age). Come on!
You're 21 and you're mom is there to give you money (altough you work but you've just bought a super-expensive flatscreen TV for your whole salary), to wash your pants (altough they're fucking dirty because you had a super-hot girlfriend), to prepare food for you at any time of day (even when you come home totally wasted in the middle of the night) and who supports you in the most stupid idea ever of proposing to your girlfriend which you know only for 6 months, altough you have no money or future.
Well that's what I call being TOO self confident.

Don't misunderstand it with being just comfortable with yourself, but working your ass off to achieve what you dream of. I admire people who know what they want and who are devoted to it, I love to revolve around people like that. They inspire me.

That's why, I want to concentrate on few things now.
But I can't forget to ''try to have fun in the meantime'', as Lana sings.
Because living life without having small pleasures is.. boring.

I've got so much to tell you but I simply can't! Not here, not like that.
Where then? Who should I tell?
I write this blog, a diary, I talk with him.
I have so many different feelings in me, but I feel speechless.
What to do with it, where to place it?

P.S. So, finally, we have summer. How fun is it to put on a summer dress and go into the city.