I need to get my story straight

Lately I've been having that feeling that I'm living someone else's life.
Situations I've been involved in, words which have been spoken and things that have happened- just unbelievable.
Sometimes so many things happen in 24 hours that it gives me a feeling that my days became so long.
If there is more of that waiting for me, I'm afraid I will have to start calling my life ridiculous.

I'm a believer, I know that there is some greater power above us.
It's very powerful, but at times I think that it's so powerful only thanks to the energy that it sucks out from us.

This morning I was standing in the kitchen window, speechless.
I had so many issues in my head to be solved.. but I couldn't feel nothing.
And I know you said that ''we'll figure it out'' but I just.. I let it go.
I also told you that I've been through a lot of shit so it's hard to break me.
But please, please don't put me to any more tests in the upcoming days.
I surrender. I do.
I prefer the worst truth over the best lie.

The thing is, when I'm- for example- at work, you can never say that something is wrong with me.
That I'm having a rough time.
No, I don't show emotions. I think it's totally not professional.
I think that it's a domain of weakness, showing other people your tears, shouting or acting mad.
So I'm really cool, whatever happens.
But when the time is right, I loose it. I can go mental.
I can be really mean, I don't like to, but when you push me too far, I can.
And yes, alcohol made me honest, and I'm glad, because otherwise maybe I would've never told you the truth.
Then maybe you wouldn't tell me all those wonderful things in response.

So, every story has an upper part too, I guess.
You loose something and you win something else.

Maybe if I loose my mind, I'll win a whole new lifestyle?

P.S. German people, shame on you. I know you're mad because you lost two World Wars, but don't try to revenge on me.

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