One for the money, two for the show.

Roy, my handsome nephew(click!)
I have to admit. There is one subject difficult for me to wonder about, because no matter how much I think, it's still too complicated.


Relationships.
It's not even that I blame guys for doing something wrong, God, no.
I am too honest with myself to say ''it's yor fault!''.
But just the fact of getting into antoher relation with no future.
Why?


I love affection, I need it. But when things get serious, it's not that fun anymore. So what, now you love me, but we both know that it's not going to last forever, we're not going to grow old together.
Then why start anything? Just to have fun now?
To get to know your friends, parents, environment, beautiful mind and then be ripped off and then have to mend all the broken pieces?


I know, I know. I am too young to say things like that, but I will tell you something.
When I look at my hands I see bruises (from work, I burned myself so many times), I see my nails which I want to paint with my new nailpolish but I still don't find time to do it, I see long fingers which were propably ment for playing the piano but my parents didn't agreed to send me to piano lessons.
But there is one thing that I do not see.
A ring. Because THANK GOD (or my sister&her husband) you didn't make it with your idea of proposing to me.
I achieved so much after we took different paths. Maybe you did too. You were my lesson, which I've learned, or maybe my karma which hit me in the head for all the bad things I've done before.
And yes, I did some pretty bad things.
I am a free bird, a songbird to be more precise.
But..!
I believe in destiny, oh I do. And if something is ment to be, it will happen anyway.
There are many things I would love to experience on my own skin.
A true romance, meaningless fun, real love, passionate devotion.
But is it good for my mental health? Isn't it better just to stay away from all those thing, be free..?


I always found it easier to get on with boys than girls, since I was a kid.
But then we grew up and I saw that some of the boys become men.
Some of them- even interesting ones!
And that's were it gets complicated.
Sometimes it's hard to stay just friends.

But oh well, that's the exciting part of  ''what's it gonna be?''.
That's the mystery, surprise, destiny.
That unknown element of the whole puzzle.

Okay, I think this post already went bizarre, not my style, too personal.
I just feel something big is about to happen and I don't know exactly what, but I don't have patience, you know. It makes me a bit nervous.. but it's a funny, tingling feeling!
Maybe.. it's another test?

xxx


P.S. The preparations for the Queens Day (including orange flags at my workplace) are overwhelming! ;)

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